I could really do to lose my Catholic conscience...

I'm not, as most of you know, Catholic, but I sure know how to feel guilty like one.

It's been a stressful couple of days 'round these parts. It's that time of year, I guess, and I also kind of suspect that this must be a full moon week. The silver lining in this weekend has been that the Bay area really caught only the edges of that massive snowstorm that's messed up the rest of the province, meaning that we got 5 cm compared to the 30-40+ experience by other areas of the province.

International Women's Week happened this week, and it was nice to be able to participate in that sort of thing again. Dr. Monia Mazigh was the keynote speaker this year, and she was very interesting, if a little brief. I also got to see the Vagina Monologues, and have come to the conclusion that I really don't like the play at all. I actually have a prolonged and extended critique to write someday, but I'll save it for then, because I would hate for anyone in this particular production to feel that my criticisms were of them rather than with the play itself.

The youngest sister is up for the weekend, and is currently sleeping peacefully on my bed. She's had a long couple of days, too. She's in town with her boyfriend and his parents, and I had to pick her up from their hotel last night around 11:30. When we got back here, a guy had managed to run out of gas AND kill his battery in the intersection nearest my house, and he asked us to give him a boost.

The whole situation was a bit weird, and I really didn't know what to do--there was definitely a creepy vibe. (I've also never boosted a car before, and my own battery is low, since it's almost six years old now.) We gave him the initial boost after he got back from the gas station, and then hightailed it back to the house, and turned all the lights off, etc. I'm pretty sure he came knocking at the door again, but I really had no desire to go back out there.

I feel really guilty about not going back to help him. But at the same time, as two young females, what other choice did we have, especially given the creepy vibes we both had from him? (Also, if his battery managed to die at the same time as his car ran out of gas, doesn't that imply that there's something perhaps more seriously wrong with his vehicle?) I hate that I have to choose between helping someone and my safety...but what other choice do I have?

shave and a haircut...

Before:




After:

Lego MMO and a good laugh

From those guys at Red vs. Blue:

An MMO based on the Lego universe was just announced.
Burnie -- Some things seem like a great idea for kids, but in reality are actually harmful. Like aspirins that have a tasty orange flavor. Or those scented markers that teach kids to huff. Why do they make those?
Geoff -- This does not bode well for the Lincoln Log MMO I've been trying to get off the ground.
Jack -- Finally, an MMO that mixes my favorite solitary activity as a kid with my favorite solitary activity as an adult!
Nathan -- It takes you 8 hours to build your LEGO castle, and 8 seconds for me to break it down with my LEGO lightsaber. Sounds awesome.

*sigh*

Sad but true, folks, sad but true.

"Oh, you must be a home ec teacher!"

Back to school this week. Reading week was great--I zipped home for a few days, saw pretty much everyone I could ever want to see at Cellarman's, spent some time with my mom, and then headed down to Guelph, where I also saw almost everyone I could want to see.

I tried to organize a SETS mini-reunion with people from the Great Guelph Area, which was not successful numbers-wise (special thanks goes out to winter weather and winter illness for that), but was very successful in terms of fun had. Sherrin came up from London, and Sean popped over with his bebe, and we ate delicious food at the Woolwich Arms. I'm hoping for a second round in May, when things should be a bit more accessible to everyone.

I spent more time with Sean the next day, when we met at that most venerated of eating institutions, Toxic Smell, and proceeded to thoroughly geek out about his experiences at the PCA/ACA Southwest and Texas region conference at week before. He read my paper in absentia, along with his own, and chairing our panel...and then the third presenter just didn't show, so it was a whole hour of Sean. He brought me back the program, and my name tag, and a sweet messenger bag that is totally being converted to a knitting bag ASAP.

I also got to see the Evanses, and introduce them to the bountiful goodness that is the Red Papaya.

Then Ms. T and I drove back up here, with a wee pitstop in Huntsville, where we ate a delicious lunch (SWEET POTATO FRIES!!!) and visited Sheepstrings, where I successfully convinced her that she could learn how to knit. (You can see the evidence over at her blog.) Once in North Bay, we picked up a few crafting remnants at Wal-Mart, prompting the cashier to ask us--twice--if we were planning on teaching a home ec class. Classic!

There's more, but it is time to take Caitlin to Dollar Days at No Frills.

Thoughts on The Stand

Ian lent me the TV miniseries for The Stand, and I'm slowly working my way through it. Before I talk about how I feel about the miniseries, I should probably say two things, the second of which is a caveat to the first. On the whole, I really hate Stephen King's writing. I think he's schlocky, cheap, and manipulative. Considering that I don't care for his work, I've actually read a pretty surprising amount of it, and on the whole it just leaves me....meh. That said, a friend of mine from Teacher's College lent me The Stand a few years back, and it is, for lack of a better term, holy shit good. Great story, full of tension, drama, and very interesting characters. It suffers from many of the same problems as the rest of his work, of course, but the story is so compelling that I'm willing to overlook the things that normally bother me.

So I was pretty excited for the miniseries, because I think the story has a number of qualities that would transfer well to that medium, and also because King wrote the teleplay himself. (I like to think that when an author has such a direct hand in creating the final product, it ought to be of reasonably good quality.)

Good movies happen when the writing, directing, and acting all converge in a way where the whole becomes more than the sum of its parts. I would say that The Stand is somehow less than the sum of its parts, but the sum of its parts really doesn't add up to very much, which is made even more apparent by how poorly the miniseries has aged--I'm pretty sure even the CBC had better production values in 1994.

Point One: The Acting. I hardly know where to start here. There's the good, which can be summed up in two word: Ed Harris. There's the serviceable, like Gary Sinise, Corin Nemec, and Kathy Bates. There's the bad, like Molly Ringwald. There's the forgettable, like Ruby Dee and Jamey Sheridan. And then there's the just plain bizarre: Rob Lowe as Nick Andros (if one of your central characters is a deaf-mute, maybe you could try casting someone with actual charisma?) Laura San Giacomo as Nadine Cross (She's really wonderful in other roles, but girl is in way over her head in this ingenue rule--she is not convincingly sexy at any point). Bill Fagerbakke as Tom Cullen (Because developmentally delayed translates to "speaks slowly and softly"--interestingly, he's probably getting more work than anybody else in this trainwreck, as he is the voice of Patrick on Spongebob Squarepants).

Point Two: The Writing. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether the problem here is the acting or the writing. All of the Nick parts really suffer because nothing interesting happens for such a long time, and that's partially Lowe as an actor, but it's also King as a writer, like, just DO SOMETHING already. Ditto Molly Ringwald, who is out of her depth here, but is also saddled with some truly clunky dialogue. I also understand, from King's point of view, that it's very difficult to cut 1000+ pages of writing into something manageable for the small screen, but some of his choices are bizarre. If you're not going to do anything with the Joe/Leo storyline, maybe you could just cut it? We continually get such shallow snapshots of the book's major characters that none of their actions ever have the impact that they should. Do we ever really have a sense of why Harold goes off the deep end? Do we ever really sympathize with Franny as she prepares to have a baby who might die from the same illness that has killed everyone else she loves? Do we ever get to enjoy Glen Bateman's verve and wit as he sees all of his abstract sociological theories play out before his eyes? Do we even get to see Larry's progress from the arrogant rising star to the thoughtful caretaker?

Point Three: Directing and Production. I don't know what to say here, exactly, because the first two factors have already significantly handicapped the production, but it is worth noting that if you don't have the money to do something properly...maybe you just shouldn't do it. I know it's a TV movie from 1994, but there was some quality stuff being made at that time, and some of the visuals in this just look so amateurish. The other major problem from a directorial point of view is the pacing. There is absolutely no tension or urgency to this story. When I read the book, my heart was pounding the entire time, and I could hardly read fast enough to fit it all in. By comparison, the movie just crawls along...and there is virtually nothing in it that is actually scary.

There are a few good visuals--mostly relating to the Flagg/crow imagery; the one that comes to mind is the one where we see Flagg sitting like a crow on top of a telephone pole, but overall, it's too little, too late. I'd love to see this story given the treatment it deserves. What's HBO upto these days?

academic foot steps

Great news! The PCA/ACA people are willing to let me make a video of my paper on race and narrative in World of Warcraft, so I can still present as part of the MMORPGs and Narrative Panel at the SW/TX region conference. I am super excited about this (almost as much as if I were actually going, but doing it this way will save me almost $900, so I really can't complain). The downside? I need to get cracking on writing the actual paper. Good thing I have Sean to motivate me.

I've also been asked to take part in NipissingYou's speaker series, so I think I will rework the paper to fit that format, as well.

Having lived under a rock for the now 12 years that I've been a frequent and habitual users of the interwebs, I only discoveredthe blogging awesomeness of Terra Nova. A recent topic of discussion has been the upcoming Virtual Worlds and New Realities stuff that's going to be happening at Emory University in a couple of weeks, and the kind folks there are seeking answers to some questions to promote discussion for their panel. Here are my thoughts:

1. QUESTIONS THAT MATTER: What research questions or inquiries are important with regard to studying virtual worlds in the next several years (think 2008-2015)?

*Do synthetic worlds (sorry, my Castronova is showing) support, subvert, or reinscribe dominant ideologies?
*In the case of heavily male-centric MMORPG worlds like that of Azeroth, what are the critical and social implications for women who choose to participate in those worlds?
*What opportunities do synthetic worlds provide for transgression?
*How do sythetic worlds function as liminal spaces?
*What is the ceiling for growth?


2. METHODS: What research methods and approaches are valuable in the study of, and study in, virtual worlds?

I believe that an under utilized approach is that of literary/cultural studies. I use that term to cover a multitude of theoretical approaches, from feminist and postcolonial studies, to phenomenological (sp?) approaches and beyond. I think this type of research is particularly for MMORPGs, because of the way that narrative is integrated into the synethic world.

3. COLLABORATIVE INITIATIVES: What might be some ways to effectively establish more multi-university and multi-institutional research, both with regard to studying virtual worlds as well as using virtual worlds to facilitate research collaborations?

I think that establishing networks of interested parties could potentially be quite useful. For example, one of my current interests is in queer identities in MMORPGs. If I could find similarly minded people, we could construct a plan to create queer identities in game, and then collectively share and analyze the data collected from our experiences.

gastronome

Most of you know me know how much I love to eat--I can't do a night of drinking without having a suitable array of snacks, and, as my mother likes to put it, I'm always "thinking about the next meal before [I've] finished this one", a trait I've inherited from my father.

One particular food type I have no use for, though, is soup. Oh, sure, I like my sodium-rich Liptons Chicken Noodle soup when I'm sick, but other than that it really isn't something I go out of my way to eat. Unfortunately, soups tends to be cheap and filling, and freeze well, all of which are important to people who live by themselves. So I've decided that I need to learn to like soup, pronto.

I've mastered my mom's turkey noodle soup, so long as I have a roast turkey carcass, so my next step was to take on a beef based soup. The problem with a lot of beef based soups and stews is that they have tomatoes or tomato paste in them. This is a problem to me because a) I really try to avoid using canned food whenever possible, and b) the acids in the tomatoes tend to give the soup an awful, tinny, acidic taste.

In the spirit of being creative, I struck out on my own on Friday, and created a beef based soup that actually turned out unbelievably good: full of rich beefy taste, complimented by cremini mushrooms and pot barley.

Mushroom, Beef, and Barley Soup

1 tbsp olive oil
1 lb. stewing beef, cubed (if they seem large, you can cut them into smaller cubes)
1/2 cup medium dice onion
2 cloves of garlic, finally minced
1 to 1 1/2 cups of cremini or portabello mushrooms, thinly sliced
1/4 cup red wine (I use Yellowtail Shiraz as my go to red for drinking and cooking)
1/2 cup pot barley, rinsed**
3 1/2 cups beef broth (I used a combination of Campbells beef broth in a carton and the Bovril instant bouillion mix)
3/4 cup red wine
2 bay leaves
herbs to taste (I used 1/2 tsp dried rosemary)


1) Heat oil/butter in pot over medium heat. Pat cubes of beef dry, season with salt and pepper. Brown in batches in oil. Transfer to a plate
2) Turn heat to medium-low, and add garlic and onion to pan. Allow to cook for five minutes until softened, and then add mushrooms. Allow to cook for another five minutes. Add first 1/4 cup of red wine and deglaze pot by scraping up all browned bits from the bottom. Allow to reduce, so that the mushrooms become infused.
3) Add broth and barley. Allow to come to a boil, then add remaining red wine and bay leaves. Any seasonings can be added here too.
4) Simmer with lid on over low heat for 1 1/2 hours, or until barley is soft and meat is tender enough to cut with a spoon.

Enjoy!

winter, with a vengeance

I have always been an ardent defender of my adopted city, which is one that people love to hate. I definitely understand why people don't like it, and will often complain of the same things that the haters do (music scene, wot wot?) but at the end of the day I'm generally pretty willing to see the beauty and charms of this city. I also love winter, which not so many people do.

That said, it is currently -19 out, and I am not so in love with the cold. My skin is just parched, which means irritated and sore, and I keep having moments where I just can't seem to get warm. My poor car has been a real trooper through all of this, but man can I see the difference it makes to my fuel consumption when I have to let the car warm up in order to drive it. (Thankfully, Boom has wicked fuel economy and I fuelled up last night for the first time since I stopped in Huntsville on my way back to the Bay after the holidays. Yup, that's Huntsville to North Bay and three weeks of city driving on 3/4 of a tank. I love my car.)

This weekend is shaping up to be a busy one. It is the last huzzah for Sarah before her trip to New Zealand and teacher's college, and Darren is coming up to celebrate. He and Ian and I have plans for some sort of geeky movie marathon for Saturday. I also have my Robbie Burns night on Friday, which is a social for the 3rd and 4th year students. I should really find myself a kilt...I'll have to plan a trip to the VV Boutique tomorrow, I guess.

bits and bytes

Mum pointed me in the direction of some good programming on CBC Radio One this morning. Go! host Brent Bambury (who I met/saw briefly on Test the Nation) had Dan Misener in to talk about a reading series he developed called "Grown Ups Reading Things They Wrote As Kids". Dan read a journal entry from his grade one days in Sackville, NS that described a trip to the ice cream store for a "root bear flot". The next reading is in Toronto on 10 March at the Gladstone Ballroom. If I'm in the area I'll definitely check it out.

In other fun internet news, Penguin Canada and Amazon.ca have developed a list of the 52 Best Books Ever Written (or, the 52 best books published by Penguin) and are proposing that you read one per week in 2008. Penguin has a great library, so it should be exciting to see what they come up with. They've started with their best foot forward, too: First up is one of my favourite books, Robertson Davies's Fifth Business. It's a brilliant realized, complex, and moving story about Dunstan Ramsey, who is always "fifth business" in his own life:

The novel explains its own title as a character of an opera who has no opposite: the odd man out—neither heroine nor her lover, rival nor villain—yet without whom the plot cannot happen.

I read it for the first time when I was 17, and it's one I'm always happy to come back to. There's magic, politics, war, sex, the divine, and all manner of truly fascinating things in it.

take me to my country home.

There's this really wonderful moment when you're at the top of the hill here, and you can look out across North Bay Rock City all the way to the water, and see the beauty of Lake Nipissing. It's stark and desolate in winter, but beautiful nonetheless.

The days are starting to get longer already - it's no longer pitch black out at 4:20 when I get out of class. Thank goodness for that.

how the smart woman gets what she wants

So there's this new commercial for Cadbury Thins that starts with a placard reading "How the smart woman gets what she wants". To summarize, the smart woman walks into a store and sees another woman trying on a dress. This other woman is happy and excited, and clearly loves the dress (which does look pretty good on her). The smart woman gets what she wants by telling the other woman that the dress looks bad on her by shaking her head, and then we see the smart woman buying it because it's on sale.

God, that's maddening. Nevermind that the smart woman is tiny and thin while the other woman is a normal size--I am so frustrated that women are continually told that the best way to get ahead is by beating other women down. Seriously--if a complete stranger came up to you in a clothing store and literally gave you the thumbs down on something you were trying on, how upset would you be?

Starting of a Brand New Day

I've finally polished up my blog--I've been using my Google Reader almost exclusively lately, so I can't even think of the last time I actually *saw* someone's blog rather than just their text. But I'm pretty happy with the way this looks for the time being. Nice strong colours.

Not too much is new here at the moment. I'm procrastinating on my marking (not a surprise) and debating a trip to the university. It's finally open again after a week without power because some idiot stole copper grounding wire that caused a grid overload. I bet it's going to be ridiculously cold on Monday.

Really, I'd just rather be knitting, you know?

2007: That Was The Year That Was

I won't give a huge year in review here, but instead maybe comment on a few things that come to mind at the moment.

The Good: Job in Collingwood, appearing on Test the Nation, return to North Bay, becoming "Professor", trip to BC, first car, driver's license, weddings, 26th birthday, first Etsy sale, cats, friends, family, Mathieu. Overall, quite a lot to be thankful for this year.

The Bad: Still no permanent job, still undecided about PhD, still lots of stuff "living" in parents' basement.

I'm not doing anything huge in the way of New Year's Resolutions except that I am going to do my best to stick to the doctrine of "Eat Less, Do More". I'm currently at my lowest weight in about two years, which is nice. My ideal weight is about ten lower than this, but I'm not going to worry about it too much, since that contradicts my second resolution, which is to try my best to be happy.

The Hearthstone Hat

I realize it has been a while. Nearly seven months you say? Ouch. Bringing back the blog is one of my goals for the new year, and I'm starting with one of my first knitting designs. (Actually, in the interst of being honest, let's make that "first and only".)

If you're a World of Warcrafter, the image of the Hearthstone will be very familiar to you; if you're not a Warcrafter, let's just say that it's important because it takes you back to your home base.

The hat part of the pattern isn't perfect but I do like the actual Hearthstone. I worked it in Patons Classic Merino Wool (100% merino, worsted weight) in Too Teal and Natural Mix.

Please feel free to use and adapt this pattern if you like it; I only ask that you let me know that you've done so (and send a picture, if you can!) Feel free to contact me with questions if you've got 'em.

crise de conscience

It has been an interesting few weeks round these skylarkian parts. I have entered and am now in the full throes of my quarter life crisis (though, as my dad likes to point out, it's more likely to be a third life crisis, as I am unlikely to live to be 100 years old).

My Daemon (from the Golden Compass)

Just like you said it would be...

It really bothers me that Blogger cannot be bothered to remember my login information no matter how many times I check that little box. Ah well. It's small potatoes, really.

The last few weeks have been busy. My taping at the CBC went well, if a little on the long side. I can't talk too much about it but I gather that Test the Nation got pretty good ratings, so we will hope that our proposed air date of September goes ahead. I got to go down early with the Sneeze, and meet up with a few friends down there, so it was a pretty good time all around. Plus I got lots of lovely LUSH stuff. Seriously, if you ever have a chance to attend one of their in-store events, they really treat their people right. Also, I purchased some new cleanser and moisturizer and I can't believe what nice things they are doing for my face (including making me smell a bit like vanilla ice cream).

School continues on, same as it ever was. I got approval from Western to take a summer ABQ course in Drama, so that when that mat leave gets posted, I will be prepared for it (assuming I can stump up that extra $1000 it will cost to take it). OSSTF, my union, also acts as our certifying body, which means that they examine our qualifications and determine where we get placed in the payscale. OSSTF has been reluctant to acknowledge graduate degrees that aren't in education because they don't provide any specialized curricular knowledge, which means that I've been placed in Category 3, along with everybody else that has an Honours degree (and yes, this did kind of piss me off). Over the March Break, OSSTF reversed this decision, which means that I can apply for recertification, and hopefully be granted the change from Category 3 to Category 4, which is a difference of about $2000 a year starting out and moves up to about $7000 once I've been teaching for 10 years. Needless to say, I am pleased by this turn of events.

I've been crafting and curling a lot lately, with varying degrees of skill. I finally made my Scotland scrapbook (awesome when you consider we went FOUR YEARS AGO) and made a really nice sterling silver necklace. I also finally curled decently well, and my team played in the finals today and lost. I'm glad I did it though, and I'm happy with how my game improved over the course of the year. I also have a lump the size of an egg on my knee.

I am hungry like the wolf.

My TV Debut

This March Break has flown by impossibly fast. Which means that I have been having far too much fun, and doing far too little work. Oh well. I will, indeed, repent at leisure.

Things I have done so far: Gone out with friends, gone shopping with my mother, drank far too much (x2), gone to Toronto (x2), crafted up a storm, slept a whole bunch, taught pre-teens from Columbia how to curl, made dinner for my parents, eaten sushi (x3) and eaten pizza. Finally. It's still as good as I remember it.

Things I have left to do: marking, packing, laundry, general tidying, another trip to Toronto, more going out with friends, and making my TV debut.

Mat and I are headed down to Toronto today, to hit up our usual Queen West business, and to meet up with other friends for good food, some drinking, and if we are really lucky, some Playdium. It should be a good time.

Hard to believe I go back to school on Monday. My job seems a million miles away right now.

March Break, yo

I will blog later about the last few weeks, but first I would like to note that for the last two or so years, I've led a very active fantasy life in which Miss Stevie Nicks comes to play at Casino Rama, and Dad and I get to go, and she performs "Rhiannon" and it is AWESOME and basically my life is complete.

Guess who's coming to Rama in June?

Oh yeah. It will be awesome, even if tickets start at $85.

friends are what make the world go round

I am finally settling into my new world. Part of the problem of being me is that I'm always kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop...it's a sad way to be but there's little that I can do about it. But, so far so good, as Bryan Adams would say, although I hope he'll forgive me for knocking on wood as I say that. I'm only teaching 2 courses, instead of the full load of three, and it's actually working out much better than I would have thought. That third course makes a HUGE difference to the workload. Having two 'prep' periods means I actually get a lot done at work.

The girls came up on Friday and we went out for martinis and sushi and it was just fabulous. I actually tried the tuna sashimi (which, honestly, was probably my first time trying tuna, not just trying raw tuna) and also the eel nigiri. The eel was quite tasty, as were the martinis. I had a Raspberry Cheesecake one, and it really might as well have been a milkshake...mmm. Upon our return home, we chatted the night away, fully intending to head up to the mountain to partake in the boutique shopping, but no one was really feeling all that well, strangely enough.

Then Mr. Evans dropped in on Sunday, and we whiled away an evening with some poor food and service at a local restaurant. Thankfully, that experience was not repeated tonight, when Mr. Evans brought the Mrs. and also the Baby and we went to Montana's for All You Can Eat Ribs. Holy crap am I full.

I went to a wedding shower for a co-worker yesterday, and it was really nice to meet more people outside of my department, and also to eat a ridiculous amount of cheese. I have to provide lunch for the department next Thursday and I'm thinking a cheese platter is definitely in order. I'm even acquiring a taste for blue cheese now.

Then the boy will come spirit me away this weekend, although possibly with some sushi first, since I have been raving about it all week. We've got a birthday bash to attend, and possibly college curling provincials...and I may be touching base with another old friend on Tuesday of next week too.

The gist of all this is simply that I am luxuriating in how good it feels to have people want to spend time with me. Thank you - I want to spend time with you too.

in love with love and lousy poetry

I have travelled home for the weekend (although I'm not really sure why) and am now quite content to be sitting here, computering it up and listening to the Weakerthans rock my twentysomething world on Marigold. And now it's KT Tunstall, which is a pretty good time as well: My heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gonna let it do all the talking.

I've been in the new place for two weeks now and I am finally starting to feel like everything might be okay. I didn't write very much about it at the time, but my experiences at my first job very nearly soured me on teaching as a career. They were three of the worst weeks of my life, to the point where I made myself physically ill as my body tried to cope with the stress. No job is worth that. In the end, losing was okay, because I would have burnt myself out before too long.

The new job is different. Maybe it's simply that I spent time at this school last year and that makes me comfortable. Maybe it's that I have friends on the staff. Maybe it's that I am starting to be more confident in my abilities as an educator (we can thank my second job for that!). And certainly the fact that I have a very nice, very well behaved group of students this year doesn't hurt. But I don't feel hopeless anymore, and I don't feel like what I'm doing is useless. I like that, and I hope it stays this way. *knocks wood*

It's been an interesting few weeks. I am saddened by grocery shopping for myself, because produce sucks in the winter (and especially much this year), and Facebook is not only sucking up lots of time but also reconnecting me to a variety of friends I haven't talked to in years, both from high school and even back before we moved up here. I have not had a chance to go skiing yet, but that is okay...my day will come.

I did have a lovely Valentine's Day, though...I assumed we weren't doing anything until I came home for the weekend, and then a stranger pulled over to offer me a ride home after school. He drove the hour to come find me, bringing me flowers, chocolate, a bottle of my favourite wine, and his companionship. Pretty special, that one--the irony, of course, is that I had just been telling my coworkers that he wasn't likely to do anything too romantic. I am a jerkwad, apparently.

It's hard to believe that I have had this blog for so many years now, and have never managed anything more than a few sporadic posts a month. Let's change that, shall we?

...and I'm losing all those stupid games that I swore I'd never play...

it's about time for my arrival...

My father introduced me to the music of Mr. Damien Rice about six months ago, and I told him at the time that if I ever met Mr. Rice's debut album on the wrong side of a bottle of wine it would not go well for either of us.

tonight, I am on the exact right side of a bottle of wine (red and Australian at that) and some exceptionally good food, courtesy of the book club, and I must say it is a lovely thing. I didn't drink much through high shcool because I didn't trust people - the few occasions where I did drink to excess my friends disappointed me terribly, and consequently I have found it very hard to drink a lot unless I feel really comfortable. Thankfully, the ladies in the bookclub are just so lovely that I know I am in good hands, and will remain so even if they insisit on feeding me champagne and chocolate when I should be heading home.

Observations on drunkeness and der bookclub tonight:
+Mz. T and I need to write a book called "7 Conversations Every Woman Should Have", as much of the conversation tonight involved us looking at each other and exclaiming "we had this discussion together last night"
+If I were a man, and if I were the kind of man who felt inclined to dress in drag (which is, I think, a pretty safe bet) I would totally use Wham!'s "I'm Your Man" as my theme song for being in drag
+Driving home from bookclub, you can totally see the lights from Collingwood, aka my future home (and no, I wasn't the driver, just the silly passenger)
+dancing really is a lot of fun
+I love the 80s
+my mp3 player is my best friend
+time really is the best healer
+champagne+chocolate=good

iPod game

My MP3 player's name is actually Marigold. She's a SanDisk Sansa 4 Gb player and rocks my socks off.

Ok, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool..

Waking Up: Lay All Your Love On Me - ABBA
First Day at School: Now and Forever - Carole King
Falling In Love: El Condor Pasa (If I Could) - Simon and Garfunkel
Fight Song: Whispers and Moans - Crowded House
Breaking Up: America - Simon and Garfunkel
Prom: We've Gotta Get Out of Here - the Animals
Life: Volcano - Damien Rice
Mental Breakdown: The Old Apartment - Barenaked Ladies
Driving: Wandering Star - Portishead
Flashback: Oh What a Night - the Four Seasons
Wedding: Song for a Winter's Night - Gordon Lightfoot
Birth of Child: I Have A Dream - ABBA
Final Battle: Sleepy Maggie - Ashley MacIsaac
Death Scene: Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran
Funeral Song: On Peak Hill - Stars **the lyrics to this are fucking eery for a funeral song**
End Credit: Left and Leaving - the Weakerthans

I really, really love Marigold. She is about 3/4 full right now, and she's made me realize how much I missed having music as part of my life. I threw out my broken stereo when I left Guelph and it's really never been the same. I think I need to go to more concerts this year - I'm starting to feel the itch.

Children of Men is awesome!

I think I thought I saw you cry...

As part of "carpooling with mom" day, I got to spend a couple of hours at the mall in Midland. This proved fruitful for two reasons: the first being that I scored a copy of J.M. Coetzee's Elizabeth Costello in hardback for only $6.67, and the second being that I saw Blood Diamond. Blood Diamond is a much, much better film than I gave it credit for in the previews: I did not want to gouge my ears out from listening to Leo talk with that "accent," and I didn't even want to gouge my eyes out from watching Jennifer Connelly "try" to "act." (And I would like to commend whomever was hired to take care of her eyebrows; they are normally fugtacular and try to compete with her "acting" for dominance, but here they are subdued. She actually seems to be having more fun in this role than she usually does, which is strange given the film's weight, but it works for her, surprisingly.) The film does have a very weird Orientalist slant to it, that I may give more thought to someday when I am of a more academic mind.

I get to see Children of Men tomorrow, weather and god willing. I think it looks fabulous--and, well, Clive Owen...Clive Owen is just someone I don't have any words for.

How did it know?

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

and sugar, we're going down swinging...

A few friends and I have been playing Ultracorps for the last few weeks and I regret to say that it is going quite poorly. Unfortunately I made some key tactical errors early in the game that, over time, allowed some truly cruel and despotic types to essentially ravage their way through my lands. (No, that's not entirely true...I take responsibility for my mismanagement of the game's strategy, although I will maintain that I think I got on the wrong side of the element of chance in a few of those battles.) So now the decision becomes: Should I fortify my existing worlds as best I can, or should I go down swinging, in a blaze of glory? The blaze of glory is tempting, but even benevolent despots have to think about their obligations to their people.

There have been quite a number of developments around here as of late. I've taken my first driving lesson in about 6 or 7 years (and driven for the first time in a year and a half) and it actually went very well. I felt much more calm while driving than I've ever felt before, and I must say that a good teacher makes a world of difference. I even drove on Bayfield St. in Barrie, which is one of the busier, scarier street that a new driver could ever hope to avoid. Hopefully I can keep the sense of security up and keep going with this, 'cause it is time.

I also got a new job for the second semester. I'll be returning to one of the schools where I did placement last year for two periods a day. A friend from the Section back at Nip is there too, so I think that this will (hopefully) work out well. Plus, moving out of my parents' house will probably be a good thing.

Well, it is time to go greet the day! I hope yours is a good one.

winter blunderland

Having returned to work yesterday, I am reminded of why, precisely, it is that I should very much like to a) marry rich, or b) win the lottery, as this "working for a living" business is plainly garbage. It saddens me that after everything I've invested in a teaching career that I'm not really enjoying it all that much. I need to find something else, and soon, or I will not be a very happy camper.

Nonetheless, my job search trudges on and I remain hopeful.

I have a list of resolutions to post, and a night of music-related antics to discuss, but this will have to come later, as I must go.

spinnin' wheel spin

Ah, the New Year. I always like to celebrate the New Year by watching movies about the end of the world. Actually, that's a lie, but I did purchase Don McKellar's divine Last Night from amazon over Christmas and I finally got to sit down and watch it today. I actually saw this one in theatres, back in 1999, and I don't think that I've seen it since then. It's hard to imagine what I saw it as when I was 17--my reading of the movie is completely different now that I have been exposed to such things as critical theory and absurdism. The idea of a world that knows its own ending fascinates me (I think it is also quite smart to simply ignore the cause of this end altogether) though, as the boy said to me in conversation, this movie would play out quite differently today. After September 11th, a world that knows its own end would play out chaos and anarchy on a much, much larger scale.

It also tends to make one think of what one's life is actually worth, and what manner of difference one has made to the planet. I'm not dissatisfied with my life perse but I do wish that I could achieve more. I'll mark that on the resolution list for this year. I think that before the end of this year, I should like to publish...just one thing. A poem, a story...anything.

We also watched The Descent today, and I was quite happy with it, as well. Scary in the right way, ending in the right way, reasonably tight writing and pacing throughout, and lots of room for interpreting the facts. Speaking of interpreting, The Good Shepherd is also a good time, provided that you like long, slow movies, and that you have three hours to set aside, and that you aren't afraid of Angelina Jolie's manhands. Normally I enjoy Angelina, but I felt that she was miscast in this role. Aside from seeming awkward in her role, she must have done something wretched to the makeup and wardrobe people, because girl did not look good--and she should have.

Two more days of freedom until I go back to work. Better enjoy them as best I can. I hope you are too.

against despair

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Stood in front of a classroom by myself and taught; legitimately lost a job; curled in a league; poked at the smoking rubble of my place of employment; went to four weddings (but, as you'll see, no funerals).
2. Did you keep New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I did keep any, but I don't remember the ones I made so, who knows? But I will always make more.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Sean and his wife had tiny baby Gwen, Darren and Ellen had tiny baby Caden, and Steve and Krista had tiny baby Lauren, the apple of my eye.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Theodore Degu did, but I don't know if that counts, and also the blacksmith shop.
5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Better classroom management skills, better organizational skills, and a boatload more patience.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 3rd - my 25th birthday - was a beautiful day at the site, I was offered my current job, and I had a large group of friends come out to celebrate, including a couple from the BEd. Also, I drank my face off in a way I haven't done since high school.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Keeping myself together after everything that happened in September.
9. What was your biggest failure? Everything that happened in September.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A few colds (including one right now) and my usual bout with dermatitis on my hands.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Well, technically I "bought" the Major at the end of the year...but I would have to say that it was the joint purchase that the boy and I made of all the graphic novels in the Sandman series. It devastates me, it's so good.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My dad's! Yay for New Dad!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Often my own, occasionally the boy's, and sometimes people I consider my friends...but mostly my various employers.
14. Where did most of your money go? Clothes, keeping the boy in the manner to which he is accustomed (kidding), books.
15. What made you really really really excited? My two year anniversary with the boy, the new Crowded House Live Farewell album, the Sandman (and Neil Gaiman in general), .
16. What song will forever remind you of 2006? When the Night Feels My Song - Bedouin Soundclash
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I think a) happier, b) neither, and c) hard to say.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Being active; being more responsible for my own destiny.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Less being afraid of things.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent Christmas at home with my family, and had dinner at my aunt's in the suburbs with our extended family. I fully believe this year's meal was the best in family history.
21. How will you be spending New Year's? At a friend's, dressed as Shellie from Sin City for our first annual "Movie Stars and
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? I am lucky enough to be with someone who I can continually fall in love with.
23. How many one-night stands? That's a negatron.
24. What were your favorite TV programs? The Rick Mercer Report; 22 Minutes; CSI; the first season of the X-Files.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I think I hate less people now.
26. What was the best book you read? The Sandman cycle (1-11) by Neil Gaiman
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
28. What did you want and get? An MP3 player, kisses,
29. What did you want and not get? A cat of my own, an apartment of my own, easy solutions.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? V for Vendetta, the Prestige, Flushed Away, The Departed
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I had a great day! (See above) and I was 25.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A full time job.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Teacher-smart.
34. What kept you sane? Caitlin, Bryan, Tara, the boy.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Clive Owen (yummyummyummy)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Global warming, same sex marriage, equality rights.
37. Who do you miss? My classmates from Nip and Guelph
38. Who was the best new person(s) you met? Ellen
39. Side question...who would you like to get to know better? Ellen
40. Favorite memory of 2006? Dancing to "Unchained Melody" with the boy at the union Christmas party; Brendan and Colleen's wedding, the joys of the jacuzzi bathtub; finishing the Sandman and then discussing it.

Day 7, 8, 9 - Musical Advent Calendar

Little Saint Nick / When the River Meets the Sea / It's In Every One of Us (John Denver & the Muppets) - listen / lyrics

Apologies for the brief hiatus - it was a weekend that was crazier than anticipated. To make up for it, here are three tunes from the same album: A Christmas Together by John Denver & the Muppets. It's the musical release from the Christmas special of the same name, which I'm sure I've seen, but don't actually have any memories of. This hails from a time when Muppets Christmas specials didn't suck (lookin' at you, Moulin Scrooge), and the whole album is a gem. John has such a sweet, pure voice, and the Muppets are in fine form, backing him on tunes both traditional and contemporary; well-loved and obscure.

Little Saint Nick gets the nod not because it manages to do anything truly amazing to an arrangement that's pretty much the Beach Boys, only done by the Muppets, but because the choice of Muppets to do the song is pretty wicked. Rolf the Dog does a great job on the main vocals; the harmonies are tight; Animal is Animal and it's so perfect when he's singing the "Run run reindeer" bits.

When the River Meets the Sea (which the truly hardcore Christmas fanatics will remember as the song from "Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas," another Henson creation) is also just a very nice, peaceful song that it's somewhat difficult to connect to Christmas except in the experience of the spiritual, the ebb and flow of life. Christmas is a chance to be part of something bigger--the greater goodness of life, of love--and this song finds the essence of that.

It's In Every One of Us builds on the feeling that "River" gives me. They are both songs about the potential for truth, and the possibility of redemption through truth. Which is actually a little more religious in nature than I usually like to think of myself. This song does speak to a greater truth than simply the religious, however:

It's in every one of us to be wise.

Find your heart, open up both your eyes.

We can all know everything without ever knowing why.

It's in every one of us, by and by.

Day 7 - Musical Advent Calendar

Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) (Ellie Greenwich) - listen /lyrics

THSWSNBN (this is the first of two references to that place in the calendar) has a sister site, which I will call Disco Inferno, and on the property of the Disco Inferno there is an old, 19th century building that has been converted into a lovely theatre space. There is some bitterness and contention among the Local Historical People about this, but say what you will, it is a beautiful theatre. One of the benefits for working for THSWSHNBN is that you occasionally wind up with tickets to shows at this theatre, including, two summers ago, "Leader of the Pack: The Ellie Greenwich Story." Today's song shows up in that musical (which I highly recommend if you like the era at all, but then again, I totally want to see Dreamgirls).

Ellie was a songwriter who penned some of the most memorable songs of the early 60s, working with a variety of different co-writers, most notably her husband Jeff Barry and also Phil Spector. "leader of the Pack," "River Deep, Mountain High," "And Then He Kissed Me," "Da Doo Run Run" are only some examples of her work, which was hugely influential. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) was originally recorded by Darlene Love (and later by U2, for the first A Very Special Christmas) and is one of the most vocally powerful 'pop' Christmas songs; the original arrangement benefitting from Phil Spector's Wall of Sound business.

It's not perfect, it's a little raw (or at the least the vocals are), it speaks of pain but still manages to be quite hummable. What more could you want in a Christmas song?

Day 6 - Musical Advent Calendar

Happy Xmas (War is Over) (John & Yoko) - listen / lyrics

It really wouldn't be much of an advent calendar without this song, would it? This song is a lot of thing that Christmas songs shouldn't be; it's ponderous, sad, and a bit preachy; its lyrics are, well, sometimes less sensical than, say, Frosty the Snowman. On the other hand, this songs is a lot of things that Christmas songs should be; it has a children's chorus, it doesn't pretend to a false cheer, and most of all it is driven by hope.

I usually don't say too much about what is going on in Iraq and in Afghanistan, as I really don't think that I know enough about either situation to make any kind of intelligent statement. Every Friday I struggle with the notion of supporting troops vs. supporting what they are doing, and I never reach an answer that's at all satisfying. But I think that whatever side of those conflicts you fall on, that whatever you believe about them, that you do wish them to be over, and in that respect, this Christmas song is perfect.

(As a small addendum to this, I would like to state for the record that I wish people would stop doing cover versions of this song. I was going to write "bad cover versions" but then I realized that all of them were bad. This song is so iconic--I think it's just as emblematic of Lennon, his life, and his work, as Imagine is--that it would be hard for any performance to outstrip, outshine, or even add anything new to what we know and love. And if you aren't doing any of those things, what's the point of doing the cover? Yes, yes, I know sometimes it's just because you "love the song so much" - but keep those demos for friends and family and don't inflict that on the rest of us. Thank you.)

my mother's secret...

Day 5 - Musical Advent Calendar

Mary's Boy Child/ Oh My Lord (Boney M) - listen/lyrics

Day 5 of the Musical Advent Calendar finds us looking at a particular group. To be quite honest, we should probably give Day 5 of Musical Advent to the entire album (20 Greatest Christmas Songs) that this group produced, but if I must (by my own silly, self-imposed rules) choose a single song from the album, I would choose the medley of Mary's Boy Child / Oh My Lord. According to Wikipedia, it was the UK Christmas Number One in 1978, which makes sense. It is a beautifullly produced piece of pop music. The timing is just right for it to be moving away from disco and towards New Wave; very synth-happy and very 'bright' sounding production. Anyone who knows me or my musical taste well would know that this sound is right up my alley.

The mix of the two songs works well. Mary's Boy Child starts out well, talking about Christ coming to earth etc and then morphing into the vaguely call-and-answer style of Oh My Lord, which has terrific rhythm to it. Throughout both songs, the harmoinies are absolutely terrific. The group was three singers and a DJ from the West Indies, apparently, but they were produced in Germany by that guy who was responsible for the whole Milli Vanilli debacle. (It seems that he had a very similar approach to his production with Boney M, and most of the male vocals are not the DJ but actually him.)

I'm sorry that I couldn't find a sound clip for you, but if you see this album secondhand or remaindered anywhere, you should absolutely pick it up. It truly is a feast for the ears in a way that only the late 70s could provide.

spot on

Today's Forecast

You have a tendency to go to the very bottom of an issue and you always seem to resurface transformed and wiser from your experience. This last trip down was quite intense, yet now you are on your way back up. Don't try to make things move too quickly. It may take a while yet to figure out exactly where you are going, but one thing is certain: you cannot go back and undo what has been done. Your future is waiting for you to arrive.

Day 4 - Musical Advent Calendar

God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen (traditional) listen / lyrics

This is one that has always fascinated me. In childhood it stuck out because it was so sombre. A lot of traditional Christmas music is serious, I know, but this is one of the few that I find downright depressing in its tone. Which is funny, because the tone often doesn't suit the lyrics: How can one feel these "tidings of comfort and joy" when they are wished upon us so mournfully?

It's also a terribly English song (see also: The Holly and the Ivy), which, again refers us back to the above comment. The rhythm in it is what makes the song stand out. A long, long time ago we used to actually have a carol-sing assembly in school, and this was one of my favourites to sing for this reason: the great big breath you take at the beginning to keep the proper flow between the lines.

every once in a while, words fail me

Today's Horoscope:

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are quite ready and willing to jump in and deal with tough issues now, rather than just sticking your head in the sand. You realize that denial will not get you anywhere. If your finances are a current source of aggravation, resolve to make changes, even if your situation feels hopeless. Communication may be the missing key. Start slowly and you could be moving mountains in no time at all.

Huh. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Day 3 - Musical Advent Calendar

Petit Papa Noel - Raffi listen / lyrics

It probably isn't too obvious today, but I actually began my education in a French immersion program, back when French immersion actually meant "no English until grade 3." Raffi is a popular children's singer here in Canada (and his music was featured on "Full House" once upon a time) and I have actually seen him in concert three times, including one time where I got to go up on stage and play with his band for a song. Naturally, I have no recollection of this. The Raffi Christmas album is truly a classic, and this song stands out to me as the gem in the bunch, probably because it made me feel special to be the only in my family who could understand the lyrics. It's a very sweet, simple song sung to Pere Noel from the perspective of a small child who asks that he not forget the child's shoe as he comes down from the sky with his millions of toys. It's much more lyrical and poetic in French, I assure you. Even if you can't understand the words, it (and Raffi) do a lovely job of capturing the season as it appears to children.

Day 2 - Musical Advent Calendar

Jim Croce - "It Doesn't Have to Be That Way" listen / lyrics

This song was one I had actually almost forgotten about, probably because it isn't, technically speaking, a Christmas song. However, my Christmas party for one of the unions (I think I belong to four at this point) last night, the DJ played "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" and I was reminded a) of how much I like Jim Croce's music, b) how sad it was that he died so young, and c) that "It Doesn't Have to Be That Way" should be included in the days of musical advent. There are only one or two references to Christmas in it, but the emotion of the song is such that it speaks, I think, to what the season should be about:

Down the windy winter avenues

There walks a lonely man,

And if I told you who he is,

Well I think you'd understand.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

What we had should never have ended.

I'll be dropping by today.

We could easily get it together tonight.

It's only right.

The holidays are stressful--it comes with the territory. Though Croce's song discusses this in a romantic context, I think it could easily be applied to many of our dealings with one another at this time of year. It really doesn't have to be that way...we can each forgive a little, forget a little, and try to remember that love is what the spirit of the season should be.

The Musical Advent Calendar

The musical advent calendar. This probably would be a much cooler feature if I had started back on December 1st, but I didn't...I'm sure someone else has probably done this, and done this better. However, I do have a semi-secret, abiding passion for the music of the season, which stems back to my youth when all the good toy lines also produced music as a tie-in product. I had the Rainbow Brite Christmas (and a silver star for Rainbow Brite's tree!), a Care Bears Christmas (oh, Grumpy! - this one actually had to be purchased twice because I wore out the first cassette), and of course, the Mini-Pops Christmas. Because this music is a passion of my father's, we have a very extensive library of Christmas CDs, and, well, I probably know more about it than most people would care to.

So I've decided to highlight one song here each day until the day itself. The parents, the boy, and myself went to see the lovely Natalie McMaster last night, and she did a beautiful version of "O Holy Night" (or "Minuit Chretiens" to the boy) on the fiddle. "O Holy Night" is probably my favourite traditional Christmas song. It is gorgeous both musically and lyrically (although the boy tells me that the French lyrics are quite intense and include references to Christ arising to free us from original sin). Probably one thing I like about it is that the song is so vocally demanding that not everyone chooses to sing it--the "FAll on your knees/ and hear the angel voices/ o night divine" part is just killer if you can't manage the range. I don't usually care much for the "powerhouse" singers like Mariah, Celine, etc., but this is a song that requires a set of pipes. The combination of music, lyrics, and vocals in "O Holy Night" has a power and strength that few other Christmas song have. I am not much on the religious tradition of Christmas (silly heathen upbringing) but this song makes me feel connected to it.

remote posting

Today (or, more correctly, tonight) is the first night of the First
Light Festival at the good old HSWSNBN. It should be an interesting
year - I am getting paid (hurray) but there is currently no snow
(boo!) and it is threatening to freexing rain on us. I'm always
afraid because if things don't go well, there is always a chance that
they may decide not to do it again next year...and I very firmly
believe that First Light is the most worthwhile thing that we do (or
pretty close to it). I have a whole whack of people coming to see me
this year, from the House of Geek Reunion tour '06, to the youngest
Skylark, to a few friends from Nip days gone by...and I want them to
see my beloved site for the best of what it can be, the best of what
it can offer. Oh well. At the very least, it will still be night,
and there is something truly magical about the site at nighttime.

I have purchased my first cellular phone. It is also an mp3 player, a
1.3MP camera, and a video camera. It also has world clocks and
calendar functions. I am hoping it makes waffles for breakfast as
well. It came with a 1Gb memory card as well, so I am on my way to
sweet tune heaven.

The Liberal Women's Caucus has decided to publish a Pink Book
concerning their ideas about the federal government should go with
regards to euqality and women's status, etc. under federal law. It
says something, though, that the party that wants to be most concerned
with the ladies still feels the need to call it a Pink Book though,
just in case we were unclear about where the government really stands
on redefining gender norms and moving towards equality.

I probably shouldn't complain, though, under the Conservatives it
would be the Barefoot and Pregnant book. But then again, a Barefoot
and Pregnant book wouldn't be pretending to help women, either.

With tomorrow, we move officially into the holiday season, and with
that comes the holiday music...my sweet, secret weakness...

suzanne, you're all that I wanted for a girl

I would really, really like a monkey for a pet.* The Telus people have always made great commercials, but their new round of holiday spots, which feature various monkeys giving each other gifts (of cell phones of course) are just too cute. I kind of feel like if I had a monkey for a pet, it would be an anthropomorphization of the imaginary friend I had as a kid. And really, who doesn't want that, even at the age of twenty-five? I just know that the monkey and I would be best friends forever, even if it threw its feces at me. I could teach it to pet the cats, and probably to blog for me, and also to play tricks on my sisters. It could help me teach, as well, and accidentally poop on troublemakers. Beware the wrath of the monkey's butt, guys.

*Actually, I really don't want a monkey for a pet because I don't think that it is very fair to the monkey. I don't really believe in exotic pets.

This is a very pointless entry. I think that I could be a really good blogger, except that I am not. I've taken up curling on the weekends in a mixed league with my father, and I am spectacularly bad (although, it must be confessed, rapidly improving). My right knee has borne the brunt of the damage, as it now sports what I would like to call a perma-bruise because I have very poor form when kicking out of the hack. There is, however, something unreal about the sound of a 44-pound granite rock sliding down the ice as you run along the ice trying to keep up with it, wondering if you'll have to drop your broom and sweep, wondering if you can do any of that without falling flat on your ass.

There is really nothing wrong with me that a hot bath and a good cup of tea won't fix, or so I'll keep telling myself.

with so much drama in the L-A-C...

There is a video game commercial for Gears of War that includes Gary Jules' "Mad World" in it and it's wonderfully effective...very creepy and very cool. Not that I particularly care about video games, or next gen systems, but I like a good piece of marketing when it shows up.

I have, as some of you have noticed, been feeling out of sorts lately. On the surface, things are going very well for me. The job, so far, has been very rewarding. I am spending lots of good, quality time with people that I care deeply about. I am dating someone who makes me very happy. And yet, there is something that isn't quite right. I'm not quite sure how to put it into words, because I'm not quite sure what exactly it is that I am talking about.

If I had to guess, I'd say that maybe 60% of this is due to the change in seasons. This time of year always gets to me a little bit like that. I want everything I eat to be carb-tastic; I want to wear jammies and stay in bed; I want to watch a lot of TV. I need to push myself into being more active, because I feel so incredibly lethargic these days. Part of it is due to last week's airport misadventure, when Mum's 11:30 p.m. flight was delayed by 3 hours, and we didn't get back from picking her up until 4 a.m. My circadian rhythm has been a mess ever since.

The other 40%...well...it breaks down a little something like this: I am intellectually understimulated, and I don't feel very good about myself right now. It's not even that I dislike myself, but I am apathetic. Normally when I look in the mirror, I see things that I like, and things that I don't like. Right now, I just see a face. Nothing else.

And the person I want to talk to most right now couldn't be farther away from me.

is this working?

the pictures are working!

The courtesan

live the life you like

It has been an interesting few weeks around here. I have been alternating supply work with time in costume for THSWSNBN and it is doing a reasonable job of keeping me out of trouble and in the black (more or less). I'm getting between 7 and 10 calls a day for supply. A friend offered me the chance to take his group of junior kindergartens for a day, and that was a very interesting experience. For those of you not in the know, JKs are usually 3-4 years old...they are little little kids. It wound up being a very good day. I have never worked with children that small before. But, no one swore at me, and two girls drew me pictures to take home, and everyone wanted to sit in my lap for story time. To be honest, reading books to kids at that age is probably one of the most gratifying things I've ever done. One of the books was a poem about clocks, and I started reading it a bit quicker than the others, to make the rhythm fun, and all of kids the kids were amazed that I could read that fast.

I finished the Hallowe'en costume, and went to a party, which was a pretty fun time, though the boy was a little sad that no one knew who he was. Being at home this year has been so much better than I ever could have imagined. Living with my parents is good, and being around for friends is excellent.

Speaking of friends, I celebrated my 25th birthday Friday night, with a large crop of people--friends from work, friends from school. At one point we took a survey of those who came: 10 of 13 were current or former employees of THSWSNBN, 9 out of 13 were teachers, and about 6 or 7 were both. Basically, my friend base is quite nerdy. We had a really great night, I think. (There are some later bits that have faded from my memory, I must confess.) After nursing the mother of all hangovers yesterday, I am feeling mostly normal today.

And as icing on the birthday cake, the wife of a friend (who is, you guessed it, both a teacher and an interpreter) offered me a job at the local Adult Learning Centre. So, tomorrow, I am headed that way to take over a grade 12 literacy course. It pays reasonably well, though the hours aren't great (11:30-1:30 every day). The most important part is that it is a contract position, which means that I am slowly working towards seniority... At the very least, it will be interesting and challenging, I am sure.

We have about 6 inches of snow here, and it is marvelous.

time can do so much

I wish I could convey to you, dear, farflung reader, the beauty of the world that I live in right now. The part of the world that I live in is one of the most beautiful places in the world, though it is unlikely to be acknowledged as such, and never is it more beautiful than it is at this time of year. The autumn is simply glorious. Winter is also wonderful (though I know I find myself in the minority on that one). The leaves have begun to change in earnest now, and the roads are lined with these orange gold trees that contrast so sharply against the deep green of our pine and fur trees. I didn't choose to move to this part of the country (my father's promotion brought my family here some 18 years ago) and so I am terribly lucky to have fallen in love with it.

OCtober is shaping up to be a busy month, between work and play. My Hallowe'en costume is coming along swimmingly. I have only the hems and the trim left to do now. All in all it has been a much more successful endeavour that I could have imagined, despite the fact that I have some issues reading (and following) patterns. I have learned quite a lot about the social aspects of the Renaissance, and in the next week or so I will be designing some of my own jewelry which is also tremendously exciting. I am constructing myself a character as well, as people tend to look perplexed when I say that I am going to be a "generic Renaissance noblewoman" for Hallowe'en. Instead, I am going to be an Italian courtesan, a position which hides a great deal sins for me: it allows for more freedom with the hair and better jewelry, it provides a reason for me to be witty and entertaining, and, of course, it lets me have maximum cleavage.* (Which, if you've seen Mean Girls, you know Hallowe'en is all about anyway.)

*Since I used a modern pattern, the dress was designed for cleavage and does ot follow the modesty conventions of the time period...but if I'm a courtesan, those don't apply quite so much, anyway.

It should be a grand party with lots of pictures. What more can you ask for?

the thing that we call livin' is just being satisfied

It is Thanksgiving Monday here in rural Ontario. And thus, I am thankful, for many things: the one day off that means I have a good lot of work this month, the faint turkey smell from yesterday's delicious dinner, the battle for the bathroom that always ensues when all five of us are home. I am thankful for other things as well, but those are best shared with those they involve.

THSWSNBN had its annual craft show this weekend, along with a new Harvest Festival. We saw just under 2000 people in two days, which was much, much busier than anyone had anticipated us being...up several hundred from last year, I think. In some ways it was great, but in others...not bad, but completely exhausting.

We live near our town's grave yard, and beside the grave yard there is a farmer's field. (I did say rural Ontario, guys). There is a flock of wild turkeys living in the fields, and just before dusk each evening, they come in to the graveyard to roost in the ancient pine trees.

My mother discovered this about 4 weeks ago when she was out running, and so has become somewhat obsessed with these turkeys. We have gone over to the grave yard at dusk several times these last few weeks, and watch the turkeys make their way in from the field. There are four adults and several babies, and it has been fascinating to watch how they interact with each, and try to protect each as they go in. Once in the grave yard, they walk around for a bit, and then fly up into the pine trees. Of course, turkeys are not the most...aerodynamic of birds, so it is quite funny to see them struggle their way into the trees. They usually aim for the lower branches, and then jump from branch to branch when they get there.

In the short time that we have known them, the turkeys have grown from children into very near adults. There are 21 of them now. And it's very neat to watch them.

I am thankful for the turkeys.

I know I'll be back at Echo Beach some day

Ah, here in the skylarkian hometown, it is quite early in the morning. Well, really not especially early, but it feels it today...perhaps because I got caught up playing Halo2 last night, and then reading Stuart McLean and seeing the sisters skylark. Also, it is -2 degrees centigrade out. Enter the fall, with a vengeance.

The return to the HSWSNBN has been, by and large, a good one. The fall sees some returning faces--some of which I never thought I'd see again--but somehow, after all this time, it is actually good to see them.

When I wasn't looking...do you ever have the feeling that you aren't quite who you think you are? (Or, in this case, thought you would be?) Not that I am dissatisfied with my life at the moment, and for the most part I like the person that I am. I guess that this is just not the person that I thought I would be when I was almost 25.

The Skylark Report

Every once in a while, it seems wise to report on what is going on in my life. These last few weeks have been quite eventful. In the span of 28 days, I have a) quit THSWSNBN for good, b) started my 'real' job as a high school teacher, c) taught, d) been bullied by students, e) enjoyed the company of my students, f) made friends, g) been 'surplused' by the school board, h) put on the supply list, and i) been rehired by THSWSNBN.

I also saw Tom Petty in concert with my dad, reconnected with old friends, loved a boy, and started working on my Hallowe'en costume.

It goes a little something like this:


The "A" dress (top left corner) in green fabric. And, I'm thinking, no stupid veil.

Losing my job three weeks in to the semester was a pretty bad thing...definitely not the way one intends to start out a career. But my co-workers were exceptionally supportive, and they will be throwing me several large bones in terms of supply work. And in the end, I really do think things will be okay.

I just have to take things one day at a time. And tomorrow's day, it turns out, my beautiful cousin is getting married. She is the first in our family to get married, so this is a pretty exciting event for all of us.

an inconvenient verity

A crew (perhaps the new Teen Nerd Squad) went to see Al Gore's movie about himself and that pesky global warming problem. It was a good time, though not quite what I expected--it was a LOT more about Al Gore than I would have imagined, and while he is an interesting guy and a good speaker, I would like to say this: Dude, no one has forgotten about that time that you won the popular vote but lost the presidency because of the electoral college. We get that your system of government is antiquated and needs work. I just don't really see what that has to do with global warming, so much.

But the climate focused parts are awesome, and come with some really interesting visuals. The criticisms of global warming are quite mind-boggling in their own way: even in my own [relatively short] lifetime, I can see the differences in the seasons of my childhood and the seasons.

So: climatecrisis.net is full of good info for you. Stay open.

my poor, beautiful place

Is it possible for something to be seemingly impossible and inevitable, all at the same time?

At any rate, the inevitable and the impossible did finally happen at The Historic Site Which Shall Not Be Named. (Obviously enough, it is named in the article.)

This is seriously one of the saddest things to ever happen to me. What a terrible last week of work.

I'm too tired and sad to be me anymore

Things That Did Not Go Right for me Today:
+forced to leave early for work because sister forgot to mention that we were picking up coworker, thus leaving me without time to make lunch
+given a job that involved not doing anything in isolation, despite other things needing to be done
+temperatures of 33 degrees, plus humidex
+being mocked by customers for isolation
+poor peformance of asinine puppet show
+watching woman in restaurant toss and mix my salad with her bare hands, dressing and all
+being snappish and cranky because of heat
+unable to accomplish needed work at home because of heat and insistence of family that I participate in beach outing
+lack of Sweet'n'Sour sauce for chicken McNuggets, thereby rendering taste of McNuggets as simply 'fat'
+inability to admit that beach was actually enjoyable, last of productivity aside.

Things That Went Well for me Today:
+the boy bought me a pack of starburst in hopes of cheering me up

CD making

If I ever met Rob Gordon, I think he and I would have a longish conversation about how MP3 CDs are killing the art of the compilation album. I'm currently ripping a variety of miscellaneous stuff to make a CD for the boy and, who are headed to Toronto this weekend to attend the wedding of a friend. It's only an hour and a half drive, but I think this CD is going to be quite a bit longer.

It's a difficult process, this, as the boy and I have fairly different taste in music. I tend towards melodic, folk influenced indie pop (with a smattering of punk, 60s rock, and of course my weakness for the 80s) and he is a former rave kid who adores techno, particularly house. We find common ground in 80s new wave, a lot of the time, though both of us try to be fairly open minded.

The unfortunate part is that now my dad and I share something in common--we both have partners that enjoy music by listening to it over and over and over and over and OVER again. This occasionally ruins our appreciation for certain musics (particularly if it's something that both the boy and my mother enjoy, such as the soundtrack to JOseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat, because then I get a double dose of hearing it all the time--I could probably perform it acapella, singing all the parts myself, I've heard it so many times).

So, while the 'soul' and 'continuity' and 'cohesion' of the compilation CD is somewhat lost (it's hard to be cohesive when you're smushing 100+ songs together), it does have the added advantage of having a much longer replay value.

My dad is quite thrilled by this technology; he now has a CD that covers his entire Beatles catalogue, minus the 2 German tracks, the greatest hits, and Revolution #9. He also has the world's longest Bob Dylan CD and an entirely 80s one (which is awesome because there are a few 'crap song' skeletons in my dad's musical closet that have been exposed by this).

Go see Superman Returns. Bryan Singer, Bryan Singer, holy shit, Bryan Singer. If only he hadn't Xed off.

some idealistic future

I want to tell you a story. A few years ago, I took an honours seminar class on the works of Timothy Findley. The world of Mr. Findley is one of infinite wonder and madness, family and frenzy. I admire his work very, very much, and I truly wish I had been able to meet him before he died. I like to think that he and I would have much to talk about.

After I took this class, my mum began to pick up his books for me whenever she would see them in her trips to the Value Village, the Goodwill, or even at yard sales. Unfortunately, she's never remembered which books I already have, and as a result there are a few titles that I now have 3 or 4 copies of.

She bought me a copy of 'Stones' a few weeks ago. It's one of his short story collections (the one we actually read for my class, too), and the copy mum bought was the basic mass market paper back, which is substantially less pretty than my trade paperback. As a result, I didn't really pay much attention to it, and the book wound up 'hanging out' on our bar for a few weeks.

After my graduation from the BEd last week, the boyfriend was over for post-convocation shenanigans (er, supper), and as he was looking through the collection of junk that our bar attracts, he looked at the copy of 'Stones' a little more closely than my mom or I had.

As it turns out, neither my mother nor I had noticed the inscription on the title page.

I like to think about books and their previous owners. I wonder who this one was signed for, and why they were able to give it away. How strange that it should come to me...

write click

I haven't written here in a long time. That's mostly a good thing. I don't have words anymore. Not even for myself. I'm too pragmatic to be cryptic like this tonight. I feel bad and I want writing to make me feel better. I don't know if it will. I've spoken so much French these past few days that half my thinking, c'est dans une autre langue, so this may not even make sense.

The big things I can't write about. They aren't mine to write about anyway.

I wanted to have a party next week. I graduate from the BEd Friday morning, and the NB Rock City is sufficiently far from most everywhere that the majority of people will come into town the night before. So I figure that Thursday night, we have a few drinks at the University House(tm) and then head up to the pub to dance the night away. So I send out an invitation, via email, and ask people to email me back if they are coming.

As this was several days ago, and I've heard from no one...

I don't know what this means. Part of me wants to say that everyone hates me. I know (god, I hope) that isn't it. but surely someone would reply, even if to say "I'm coming over in the morning, so I can't make it"? I know I was not necessarily that well-liked this year--but I didn't think that it was like this.

If it is, though, I guess I'll just have to deal with that. I wish I knew how.

neither bang nor whimper

I am, at long last, finished school. For good this time. Honest.

Thus, I begin the next great adventure: Is there life after the books close?

I have employment for the summer. I have a few leads on more permanent things for the fall. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy life and do my best to trust that things will work out as they should.

I'm going to plan some role playing. I'm going to start writing scripts for graphic novels. I am going to get a tan. I am going to go to weddings of friends. I'm going to start planning my professional website. I'm going to start thinking about the research projects that I want to develop. I am going to create.

For the first time in my life, I am ready to move forward. I don't know if I am ready for what comes next, but I am ready to meet it head on.

On a lighter, and slightly more interesting note: New Beckett play found. This is particularly noteworthy because it was passed on to the boyfriend by a friend of ours, and the boyfriend got very, very excited about it...apparently he's never really explored the Onion before.

assorted sours, forgotten

One of my least favourite things about being sick is the way that it blunts my sense of taste. I can still taste things, but the tastes are neither as full nor as ripe (rich?) as they might be, and all things considered, Easter weekend is a bad time to lose that ability to taste, because there is just so much darn good food. Also, I just generally hate being sick.

It was a good weekend, all in all; having four days off (even four days of being sick as a very flu-y dog) is quite possibly the best thing ever. Now I just need to survive the next four days of descriptive paragraphs, research reports, and Romeo + Juliet madness. Strangely, I am starting to appreciate Baz Luhrmann's adaptation of the play--something that has been inconceivable to me to this point.

I'm a bit uncertain about the future right now (right now, of course, being a rough euphemism for "the last six months or so") and I wish that things would start falling into place a little more. I fully accept that they aren't going to, at least not in the way that I want them to...but is a little certainty too much to ask for?

stupid whistly song

Two weeks down, and only 7.5 days left to go. I am for the most part enjoying myself. Teaching English is actually a pretty good deal, though part of me still thinks my heart is in the Canadian history courses somewhere. I am in charge of a whole unit on The Great and Lamentably Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet and, wonder of wonders, I'm actually having a blast with it. Some of my students are, as well, though I think I lost a LOT of them when we got to iambic pentameter. People who lack rhythm should never have to teach such things. Note to future self: Cultivate friendship with a musician who will come in and explain iambs in a far better way than you can.

I was poking around my old diaryland site very very briefly this morning. I haven't written there in nearly three years, and there was a time where I believed very much in the importance of saving everything that I'd written. But having done the wee bit of poking that I did today, I can honestly say that I no longer have any investment in that writing or in that time of my life. For possibly the first time ever, I want to live in the now, and nothing is more now than here (or maybe podcasting. Difficult to say.)

Hurray for four day Easter weekends in Canada! I'm very excited to be going home tomorrow.

speechifying at the speed of light

Tomorrow, I have to give a speech:

Every person in this room knows [Daddy Skylark] in different way. For many—probably most of you—he was worker at the some point in the 34 years of his career. For others, he is a husband, a brother, a son-in-law, a brother-in-law. For all of us, he is a friend.

Because so many of you have known him in these ways, my sisters and I wanted to tell you about a different side of [Daddy Skylark].

Our father was blessed with a challenge. Between 1981 and 1988, he and my mother had three daughters. Outnumbered, he had to learn to navigate a new world, one of pink strawberry shaving cream, Girl Guide Cookies twice a year, and Cabbage Patch Dolls, Polly Pockets, and Precious Places.

He rose to this challenge quite admirably, learning not to leave the toilet seat up, to swallow his complaints when his razor blades were inexplicably dull, and also when the milk jug went back into the fridge empty. He also learned not to complain about peanut butter on his uniform hat, or the perpetual loss of black socks and the occasional white shirt. Do you remember, Dad, when we thought it was cool to wear your big clothes?

More than these trivial things, our dad taught us to be strong and independent. He always expected our best, and we hope, that most of the time, we’ve been able to give it.

To introduce the video that we’ve put together, I’ll use my dad’s own words whenever he comes home with a bunch of pictures to show us: “You’d better pee now. This’ll take a while.”

I've been good, as good as I can be

I have moved to Collingwood, and it seems that this business will actually be a pretty good deal for me. My apartment is quite nice; it has everything I could need, pretty much, aside from a cat. And tea. But I'm sure I will rectify that shortly.

I have a grade nine locally developed course, a grade ten academic, and a grade twelve college prep. I've only met the 9s and 10s so far, and one of my two associates, but I really think that this is going to work out well. *knocks wood*

I teach my first lesson tomorrow, on the use of poetic language and diction in Romeo and Juliet. Whee!

In like a lamb, out like a...lamb?

I write this entry from the boyfriend's bed in Sudbury, as he plays a Warcraft game beside me. I wrote my exams on Monday during the day, ate pizza with my friends Monday night, and packed like a fiend until Tuesday, when I came here. I have five glorious days here (3.5 of which have already happened) before I head home and to my final month. of school.

I am still in C-wood for the next month, but I have found a family friend to live with, and will apparently have lots of internet access and will only be five minutes from my school. All things considered, I am pretty lucky.

My father retires from his job today. He has been a police officer since he was 18, and he is currently two weeks shy of his 53rd birthday. I can't imagine what it feels like to leave behind something that has defined so much of his life. That said, I do know that he is quite ready to leave, and start his next adventure, which rumour has it will be installing hardwood floors in the house.

The littlest skylark got into the college program of her choice today. I am very proud of her.

and in the end the love you take

School will be over tomorrow around 3. Over forever, once I lay down that pen from filling in the Scantron bubbles for Special Education. Over until I choose to come back. If I ever do.

For the longest time, I never thought I would reach this point in my life. School has been life to me since I was old enough to read. Since I am now trained as an educator of some kind, school isn't really over, but I will be sitting on the other side of the fence. If I get a job.

This year has been really interesting. A much easier one than the last, in most ways, but harder still in some. The community formed by the people I have met is such a quick, fragile one...but strong in its own way, and may last far longer than any of us imagine. I came to the realization the other night that the one thing in my life that I am truly desperate for is to be liked by other people. I don't know why I want that, but that's how it is, for some reason.

For all of you who do like me, I am thankful. I don't know where we will find ourselves after this year, but this year would have been very different without you. I hope that some day I will be able to tell you that, and that some day I will understand what it is that you like about me.

We are all stronger people after this year. We are all one step closer to being who we want to. That, more than anything else, is worth celebrating.

pretty hate machine

Hell week is truly living up to its name this week.

I just got my third placement info - I'm at a school in Collingwood, which is some 56 km. from my house, and I have zero way to get there. This means that I will be looking for a place to live for one month, and I have zero way to pay for that. In short, I am so screwed.

I will going to the Practice Teaching Office later today to talk to them about it, but they are notoriously intractable in these matters. I have no idea what I am going to do.

I just want to go back to sleep

erin go braghless

Today I was given a choice between staying at a bar and going to my favourite secondhand bookstore. I chose to stay in the bar, because I thought that would be cheaper than going to a bookstore.

I think that statement tells you everything you need to know about me.

Old Friends Week

I am in my second last week of post-secondary education for the foreseeable future. (This count doesn't include that pesky practicum that I still don't know anything about.) This would be much more exciting except for the following factors: a variety of stupid assignments + complete lack of ambition + general apathy; all of which contribute to a very unproductive skylark. As long as I manage to buckle down this week, though, everything should be okay.

And one of the nice things about this program is that it's virtually impossible to flunk out...

It is officially Old Friends Week here in North Bay, and I am expecting (hoping?) to touch base with almost ten people I haven't seen in ages this week...including the one that I am most excited about, the Schrode! Whom I haven't seen in nigh on three years now, and who I think it is also pretty excited for seeing me. Jo and Dante are close seconds, though.

Saints-Martyrs-des-Damnees has been given a domestic release, at long last, but unfortunately it is proving somewhat elusive here in Ontario. Amazon and Chapters want me to pay upwards of $30 for it, and as much as I want to see it, that is a little too rich for my blood.